The Invisible Papers Read online

  Don’t let the detectives find you with cake in hand! Don’t kill yourself tonight. Don’t be ashamed for making them wait when you said you’d be there. It’s okay, they weren’t put out too much. What’s shocking is how you fell so quickly, how you succumbed to the demon inside you as if you were running through a field of dreams and dived onto the softest flower bed you saw! Don’t let it get to you, mistakes happen. Don’t beat yourself up over it because what’s past is past and what’s done is done.

  Oh serenity at last!

  Chapter 9

  How could someone be so stupid? Should he or she give you examples? One believes they could give you many but they probably won’t. Quota, quota, quota, fill that quota! There’s a tingling and an itching and absolutely no backscratcher in sight! So many plans all dependent upon them it could all crumble down with the very first hiccup. Plans coming to fruition can be felt similarly to how a frequency gets stronger and a signal gets clearer. You can feel the buzzing get louder and vibrate deeper within your soul then “BANG!” life happens.

  “One, two, three, four. I declare a thumb war.” My God do they love it, a good story that is. It enlightens, it inspires and most importantly it brings them emotions of many kinds. Priceless is one way to label a story, a good story, not just any story of course. Obviously good is subjective however there comes a point where the qualities that make something good can be well spotted. Positive energies, these are the things that truly bring value to life. They don’t have to be dressed up in the same outfit to be of the same family either. This is a big misconception so use your heart and not your eyes. How can so many people lead a life of lies when they can loudly hear truth knocking at their door? Have they put out a restraining order and exiled honesty from their property? Has it been this way for long?

  Does anybody even remember what the truth smells like anymore? Sleep renews, replenishes and replaces all those that need it. Whatever you want, it has and whatever you need, it will provide. Live a lie no more because it’s just too detrimental to your health and you’ll die and nobody can stop it but you.

  So what else can they say about themselves? Do you think one wants to sit through some sort of interrogation about their life? He or she doesn’t have an interesting story to tell however maybe they would have one if he or she took the time to come up with one. Not fabricated but factual of course and it would have to be formulated through the use of effort spent and time passed but alas, one doesn’t have the energy for such a task. It’s of no concern to him or her whether they impress you or not since you don’t give them anything and you don’t pay their way.

  If he or she visits you again they’ll only be reminded of why they haven’t visited you in so long. One never has anything to do there and there is nothing he or she wishes to see. So what will become of them? How will they pass the time? One simply hates going there and he or she doesn’t plan on returning for a very long time, if ever. What makes the prospect of the journey even more bitter is to be in close quarters with so many people for too many hours of the day. Oh give him or her respite, give one space, give them freedom.

  Every time one thinks about money or a career he or she runs into the same halting thought, “Does it make enough?” This question alone usually stops him or her from venturing into anything for fear of wasting their time and not making as much money as they should. It usually sticks because their heart isn’t in it anyway so one guesses that’s fine but there hasn’t been an idea since! Nevertheless the now is fulfilling in itself although it doesn’t pay.

  What is it that he or she doesn’t have a grip on? Is there something slipping out of his or her hands or has something already slipped away and they must now endeavour to retrieve it? What bothers one the most is how liberal you are with your hypocrisy, it’s funny how you purport to be so tolerant yet you are intolerant of opinions contradictory to yours. One wonders how accepting you will be of criticism. It’s funny how the most liberal ones tend to be the most hostile to opposition.

  Does someone’s ridicule actually influence the receiver’s stance on any given subject? Does the one delivering the ridicule actually expect it to influence the receiver at all? Why can’t some people intelligently question or criticize another human being? He or she wonders if their critique is even attached to any vested interest in the subject at hand! Are they simply trying to waste his or her time? Do they see themselves as the bringer of knowledge? The enlightener? The corrector? Unbelievable.

  Can you say “disaster”? Oh how easy this all comes about! The tide can turn and swallow you quicker than you’ll realize. There is no mercy at sea and they like it that way! Don’t waste your time trying to save the buoys from floating away into the horizon and misdirecting the boats and ships. The lighthouse light is about to burn out and soon death will bring its guests to the shore. It takes two to tango even on the high waters wouldn’t you agree?

  Wishing is hopeful yet hopeless at the same time and it’s more one than the other depending who you ask, depending who you believe it can be desperate or desperately inspiring. A gap in time presents a horror to those afraid of space. Will you fall off the face of the earth if you don’t have your next step planned out to the “t”? If your “i” is not dotted will you jump off a cliff? Don’t worry, your breathing will not stop if you forget to inhale. Time will pass whether you pay attention to it or not, in fact there will be more time the more you ignore it! Don’t believe it? Give it a try.

  It’s difficult to keep up the charade, where is the need for it coming from? Is one just passing the time with the only thing that comes to mind? Is there anything more than what comes to mind anyway? Where else are ideas supposed to come from? The mail? From the dog? One’s neighbour? Anyone but oneself? No, he or she won’t accept that, will you? Let’s be reasonable shall we?

  Every new prospect is overwhelming only for a second or even a minute if you’re unlucky. While waiting for the minute hand to turn you should just breathe and let it run its course. Wondering if one could make it to his or her destination, could they? Yes, yes they could even if one must resort to crawling and facing blacking out into unconsciousness. All it takes is to put one limb in front of the other. Watch out for the pebbles as well as playing it dangerously by ignoring the machine’s recommendations concerning reaching out to those on the wrong side of the percentile margin for help.

  He or she is throwing some more words together to help you see the world in a different way. Are there any thoughts you don’t particularly want to ever visit again? Why not? Don’t you think that by visiting them and having tea with them, arguing with them and fighting with them is the best way to get to know them and their weaknesses as well as strengths thus abolishing all future opportunities of being afraid? Think about this well because pondering never hurt anybody, a step does not turn into a path unless you continue putting one foot in front of the other. Even a jump won’t ruin you because you could always find your way back!

  We’re squeezing blood from a stone! Squeeze it, hurry up and do it, try harder! This is what it feels like, sounds like, looks like. Worrying and watching and waiting as the seconds pass. We should speed up time all around the globe but is it possible? No, if one could travel back in time he or she would find a place to hide and never be found again! One wishes they could live in a hut which would never be disturbed by a neighbourhood watch. Could he or she have a permanent retreat? A resort all to oneself? When there is nothing left to compare yourself to you are finally and completely free! Life is only as exciting as the birds deem it to be! How delightful.

  Tracking progress indefinitely, the journey is just not enough sometimes. You need to be aware of how far you’ve come and how much is left to travel otherwise you’ll feel lost and misguided, won’t you? Is there even a journey that exists that completely and wholly forces you to forget the number of steps you’ve taken along the way? One wonders if such a path exists but surely one would’ve heard about it by now. Maybe one is just talking
to the wrong folks!

  What now? Does one just throw some more ideas your way until you say, “All right! That’s enough! You got it buddy!”? Sure, he or she could do that. It’s easy, see? Just regurgitate and keep those floodgates open, don’t censor your thoughts. Let the pen flow and write regardless of incorrect spelling or even gibberish because it’s all coming from somewhere mystical anyway so why judge it?

  Chapter 10

  It’s time to get real, it’s time to get a grip. You need to look around you and say, “This isn’t good enough!” then grab onto that invisible handle and hold on tight. Throw the suitcase into the water, run from the sun and into the night, tip over all the tea trays in the café and scream! Their laps are all full of tea now and you’ve got the chance for a clean getaway so don’t squander it!

  How many people wish for better days? Don’t they know that the best of themselves is within and their days are constructed from the reflection therein? Everybody wants this and everybody wants that but he or she doesn’t want any of it, how about that?

  One feels like they’re chained to this desk with this writing apparatus, doomed to churn out more and more words until the day they die. One will never get a break and one will never get a reward yet here they are, chained. A prisoner of this life and of this work, will he or she ever be saved?

  If someone invents a contraption to speed time up to the day one dies or at least up to bedtime please let him or her know! One doesn’t care what the consequences are! He or she thinks they’ll make this their life’s mission, it seems like a good way to pass the time don’t you? Inventing things and maybe then he or she could patent them and sell them to Walt Disney or Tim Burton or Barack Obama. Wait, those are all Americans, he or she should probably keep them within the family or keep them Canadian. Maybe Pauline Marois would appreciate something like that? Wait, she might not even consider herself a Canadian! Time to make coffee and/or go for a walk, you decide.

  There’s absolutely no stopping this need to keep producing. Even if he or she has done pretty well for the past forty-five minutes they still feel like one should be tapping those keys, dipping that pen and spilling that ink all over and around. So as the good slave they are, one obliges. Here he or she is and here you are… Are you enjoying yourself? If one could figure out something else to do believe that they would but there’s no fun in anything else! Not one iota! Is he or she making sense? Probably not but that’s the least of their worries! All they know is that the more one types the faster the seconds pass and the better he or she feels about breathing. Harsh, one knows, but truthful.

  His or her biggest fear is that they will be left with nothing to consume once their current cache is extinguished and they will be irreparably damaged by the sadness of an era coming to its end. Anger, anger, anger, it bubbles up over the silliest of things but is it really silly? If you dwell on it or let it control your life then yes it may be silly but if there is a valid concern with something and this particular thing happens to be small or tiny in stature, who’s to say it’s worthless? Just because something is small doesn’t make it worthless, life is full of the big, the small, the in-between! Size doesn’t matter, at least in this case it doesn’t. Do you have a sense of humour?

  Boredom, time is ticking away and each tick is like a sharp pain in the side with a pin or a knife. All one can do is keep moving forward because it’s the only medicine they know. Any artificial substance will only create a mask and a numbing and will fail in the end. One wonders if it’s appropriate to open up like this and share such intimate details with strangers. There is such a big margin for error and misinterpretation, moreover he or she may be the most boring writer in existence who has published the most inane and pointless string of words, sentences, paragraphs and chapters fathomable!

  What else can one say? Do you have any news for us? For this pain and when it might go away? They have it all planned out, his or her next visit to you will be their last for a very long time. The only thing keeping them from never returning is the guilt, it’s what brings them back every time and sooner than they’d like of course. When will they get to be in control of those faculties? We’ve been patiently waiting in line for years now! It’s been way too long since anyone has given us the go ahead to feel some relief and it’s high time we get our turn!

  How else can you play the game? What if you don’t even realize that a game is being played or you yourself are the game? Would you really be considered a victim if you were completely oblivious? One would venture to propose that you are in fact not, actually you may even have found a loophole in the whole thing! Ignorance may in fact be bliss after all so let’s sit with that for a while and see how the hat fits. Let’s see if the shoes fit and let’s see if the pants fit! Oh how nice it would be to have well fitted clothes wouldn’t you agree? They make the day so much more bearable don’t they?

  Hurt yourself by throwing barrels full of happiness around then uncorking one of them and showering yourself with its contents. See? You just can’t win all the time! Even the most positive have a smidgen of the negative and downright dangerous in it. Never let yourself be fooled again, don’t be so naive. Will you wake up and start walking like a human being or will you continue to let those legs of yours follow along a designated pattern? Nothing good will come of you waddling around to and fro hoping to bump into a friendly guide or a helping hand. Keep it real, keep it in the family, keep it local, never forget.

  Frighteningly wasteful. Sometimes frightening and sometimes wasteful. They are prolific like the ones they look up to. They are not the ones you admire that’s for sure! Who can stop us? Why would they even bother? Life is to be lived, no rules for us thank you very much. Keep them all in that jar of yours and please lock it in your cupboard. Pray hard that the burglars won’t find them. Pray hard and you’ll get to keep your glass cage. Walk not too far from your abode lest someone will appropriate it as their home! Leave a dog chained up by your front gate to avoid any trouble from the neighbours. Keep the street clean with the bodily fluids of your victims. It’s easy to fashion a hose out of intestine and run it through some sort of petrification process in order to suitably spray with it a protective mess over your front lawn and driveway! Nothing in this world is impossible my friend!

  Worry, worry, worry wart, why are they so worried? An irrelevant insignificant little ditty totally unthreatening and docile. It’s funny how such anxiety builds on a plain of desolation however when something actually deserves a red alert, stress is nowhere to be found!

  One guesses it has to do with extreme focus and on the other hand discomfort with idleness! Let’s just say that peace is like a dream you have now and then that you wish were true but you know it won’t ever be! They’re referred to as “passion dreams”. They can be very strong and realistic, not only that but they can produce such feelings of yearning, longing and want the likes you never thought possible!

  Let’s say that they agree to disagree because it’s really in the best interest of their friendship. Let them keep the business running since it doesn’t matter who’s in charge here as long as the ship gets home!

  Chapter 11

  So here we are starving and it’s all because of you! Not only have you decided our fate based on the notions you felt at that particular moment but you now tell us to feel guilty for the little we still have! You basically make sure anyone giving you some sort of gift or gratuity feels like they have lost somehow. No matter what you receive you seem to have to reciprocate something of superior value! Your pride is absolutely horrendous and it stinks up to a five block radius! We can smell it all the way from here so put a lid on it “will ya”?

  Don’t be so wishy-washy and let your opinions fly! Take the bull by the tail instead of the horns if you really like to live life on the edge. Don’t, don’t, don’t, so many “faut’s" and “faux-pas”. Who to listen to? Who to believe? Should one even care? Nah, you’re right, let’s just continue on with the inner path, the inner voice
. That’s our vote!

  How much poetic license can one take before the language police come a knockin’? He or she wonders if there’s a manual out there they can consult on the subject. Is there a leading authority figure making the rounds of lecture halls and amphitheaters? Maybe he or she has a website or a Twitter account! Oh how popular and loved that person must be, right?

  Time and time again they use the same methods but with a little adjustment. It’s wise to make changes to your game once in a while anyway because it’s the smart way to evolve and hopefully get ahead. Bit by bit and steady wins the race! The Tortoise And The Hare was a fantastic story as well as a great life lesson. Would it be considered a fable? Sometimes children have the best insight. The fog can be murky and endless for the lost but a figurative flashlight can save your life. It can save your future and it can establish sanity.

  What better way to spend your time than alone, in the dark, with a knife? What better way to pass the time than by staring at a candle made of blood? Let’s cut off the head of a pig with a blade forged from a virgin’s bones! Have you ever seen a blade forged from a virgin’s bones? It’s pretty awesome. Sure it may not be a samurai sword but it could still do a butcher’s job if you really meant it! If it came from the heart! Speaking of hearts, they go great in a stew. Don’t take their word for it! Burn through that guilt barrier and emerge victorious on the other side, you won’t regret it and you won’t be disappointed.

  In this current weather and at this time of night do you believe it would be fun to do what you propose? Well that’s the thing exactly, they don’t see it as fun, but you do. So? Are we all supposed to bend to your will? Unbelievable.

  Let us be! Are we to sit here and accept your dominance over the choice of food we are about to ingest? Take your strict and self-righteous ideals away from us and keep them to yourself please. We will not sit here and let you dictate what we are to enjoy and do, this is too much and you’ve gone too far. Unacceptable. How can you, straight-faced, actually expect everyone around you to live according to your rules and within the confines of your comfort zone? You will watch him or her do what one wills and you will say absolutely nothing, just as one will say nothing while you live the way you choose, thank you kindly.